you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
