Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i believe in u and ur pee
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
