The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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