Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
