conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
