What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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