Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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