How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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