How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
