so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ttyl tear gas
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The power of my boobs compel you
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
