Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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