okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
