I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my poor anus
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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