I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No subtext here. People are naked.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
