Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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