We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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