You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
