he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude. I can hear the air.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
