i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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