thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
