My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize