you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
