Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
