she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
