We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
