After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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