I cannot find my penis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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