god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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