TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
