i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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