Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
