I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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