I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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