Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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