i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i dont even know how to be here
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize