ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
