Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
