I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
