So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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