party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
