you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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