Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
