His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
