wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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