Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
