This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
