i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
