remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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