I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize