Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
