Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
