Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
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