We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
