while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
