I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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