you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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