Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
