The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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