and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
