I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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