Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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