Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wear drunk well.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
