my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize