Duck Duck Cougar?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
