Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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