hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
