was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
