I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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