The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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