another moral hangover. fuck.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
