dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
