I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize