I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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