I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
