My sheets look like a crime scene.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
