How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
