The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
