I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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