Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
