i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
