Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
