The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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