How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
