Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
