She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize