She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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